Monday 29 April 2013
Callum's 100 Word Challenge - Week 28
The noise was deafening....I was running from the monsterous beast. His roar was deafening! The beast was about twice the size of me, he was above my head. Terrified, scared and worried, I kept running for my life. I thought to myself, "Can I make it out alive?" Will I see my family again?" Lots of questions were going through my mind, I couldn't answer a single question. I was heading towards the school, hoping I would be safe there. The beast was gaining. Can I make it? I kept thinking that. I was at the school, I was safe for now....
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Great work Callum. I like the tension here created by you using repeated questions. I can feel the fast pace as you are running from the beast. Don't forget that you don't need speech marks until you have finished speaking/thinking. Also, have a think about where you could have begun a new paragraph.
ReplyDeleteWell done.
Mrs P
Callum where do I begin, firstly I like the adjectives you have used plus I like the range of punctuation you have used and I can feel the pressure your character is in. From Emily. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Callum - I agree with Emily: what a good range of adjectives you've used here. This is a tense piece of writing that instantly hooked me in, leaving me wanting to know more. Perhaps take a look at the part where you used the word 'question' twice - could you rephrase it so you don't repeat yourself?
ReplyDeleteMr K :-)
Dear Callum,
ReplyDeleteYour 100 word challenge is amazing and I enjoyed reading it. I like how you have used some great punctuation such as ellipses and speech. Also, I like how you have used a question to make the reader think. Next time, you could use some adverbial openers such as ' terrifyingly and rapidly '. Other than that a big WELL DONE!
From your quad blogging buddies at www.6D2012.highlawnprimary.net