This was it, the end. I was
the last one left, I felt horrible with people gorping at me, it’s as if
they’re about to go wild. Licking their lips, eyes wide open and they’re not
even blinking, I was waiting for them or one of them to put me out of my
misery. But no, no-one would even get a step closer than they were. It was like
they were hypnotised, I could move from one side of the plate to the other but
only their eyes moved to watch. That was it, I was going to die one way or
another…
By Matty H
Matty I think you had a very clever idea to write from the perspective of the piece of chocolate. I could just imagine everyone crowding round you, wanting that last piece. Good use of commas to separate clauses here. Well done.
ReplyDeleteMrs P
I really like this 100 word challenge Matty I also really like the way you used the sentence "I was waiting for them or one of them to put me out of my misery".
ReplyDeleteharvey
Dear Matty,
ReplyDeleteI really like your 100WC. I like it because, you were in the position, of the peice of chocolate. I also really like how you have put 'I felt horrible with people gawping at me.' Maybe next time you could, use some Speech, of what the people are saying. Visit us at
www.6d2012.highlawnprimary.net
From Julia
WOW Matty this is a brilliant piece of writing from a very unusual perspective You have thought carefully about your writing and it is reflected in the language and the way you have presented your work, very well done.
ReplyDeleteMatty, Your work made me laugh. To use such a clever device as writing from the perspective of the piece of chocolate to create tension and humour is impressive. Well done.
ReplyDeleteMr. Kent
Hi Matty, your 100wc was very good. I want to read more! Very impressive.
ReplyDeleteFrom Callum.
wow! matty very good. It was creative and imageintive. I want to read on, because I could feel the tension. Well done keep it up!!!
ReplyDeleteFrom Gracie.
wow! matty very good. It was creative and imageintive. I want to read on, because I could feel the tension. Well done keep it up!!!
ReplyDeleteFrom Gracie.
Dear Matty,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your 100 word challange, and I really like 'felt horrible with people gorping at me'Well done.I like that you discribed your self as the chocolate bisciut,however next time you could inclued some conectives' however, dispite, in addition
From Ellie www.6d2012.highlawnprimary.net
Well done Matty,
ReplyDeleteI like how you have said ' I could move from one side of the plant to an other '. Also I liked how you said ' They were hypnotised ' I though these 2 ideas, in you 100WC were really good. Next time maybe you could add a 3ED sentence. A 3ED sentence is 3 words that end in ed E.G. Shocked,amazed and puzzled. Thats a 3ED sentence. I think it will sound really good in your story.
From Annalese
at www.6d2012.highlawnprimary.net
Wow Matty, that is an amazing 100 word challenge, I really like how you have started 'This was it, the end' and not 'there was only one left',you have really hook the reader. I could really picture everybody crowned round the chocolate bisciut. Maybe next time, you could add some short snappy sentences for tense.
ReplyDeleteFrom your friends at High Lawn
visit us at www.6d2012.highlawnprimary.net
Hi Matty. That was good because I wanted to just read more and more. Maybe you could add more description and rewrite it as a story on your blog.
ReplyDeleteTo Matty I really like your like your 100WC , and like the word 'hypnotised'.
ReplyDeleteWell Done Matty, from your friends .
Hello Matty,
ReplyDeleteI think it was amazing that you used first person for your 1OO word challenge you were very emotional when you said 'I was going to die one way or another…'.
Harrison at 6d.2012.highlawnprimary.net
Hi Matty, yous 100wc bean very cool, people wich look like hypnosid
ReplyDeleteHello Matthew
DeleteI think that your's 1000WC was just amazing
wow i can feel the tention like im the one ever one is looking at. lol
ReplyDeleteWow Matty that is really good i like the bit where it says "licking lips and wide eyes and not even blinking" that is the bit I really like
ReplyDeletewell done
from elise in maple class