Hello, my name is Bob, the piece of chocolate. I have been
abandoned, and left in this desolate yellow landscape,(not really this is all
lies I’m just stuck on this yellow plate with a few crumbs)and somehow I’ve got
to get off this plate and into the stomach of a human being…hmmm .Aha! if
I-BANG! BANG! BANG! a giant shadow looms over me…a human!.The human’s hand
reaches towards me. It picks me up…NOM! My mission is complete. One small step
for chocolate, one giant leap for chocolate kind-well, not really…sort of .
Wow Harvey! This piece of writing really shows off your writing skills. I mean, your idea of the mission if fantastical! And, I love the ending by the way, (Its really funny!)There is nothing that I could pick out that I would want to change!
ReplyDeleteWell Done!
From Molly Xx :-)
Hello Harvey,
ReplyDeleteI loved how you used onomatapia(NOM and BANG) I loved how you used ' a giand shadow loomed over me' insted of 'someone stood over me' I wonder if you could be a tiny more bit serious. My favorite part was the ending 'One small step for chocolate, one giant leap for chocolate kind-well, not really…sort of .'. Your friend Harrison at 6d.2012.highlawnprimary.net
Hi Harvey this story was really great. I love the ending, its really clever and funny. You used some great, imagintive words like 'loomed'.
ReplyDeleteMy younger sister loved this story when I read it to her, and wanted me to read it over and over again...
Keep up the good work!
From Poppy
Hi Harvey, I loved how you used your imagination so well, because I can't use my imagination like you can. Do you have a secret door inside your brain that leads to your writing imagination! Anyway your vocabulary is great. If your not in green group for writing then you really should be! You had a great idea of being the piece of chocolate, and used the prompt very well. From Charlotte.:):):)
ReplyDeleteThat was so imaginative!.You had alot of great ideas and some very good vocabulary.The bit i like about your work is you used loads of different discribing words, i love the word looms.Well done harvey keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteFrom Gracie
Hi Harvey, Ethan here.I love your story, it's
ReplyDeletereally funny!'one step for chocolate, one giant leap for chocolate kind-well, not really…sort of .'
wow you have used many fab words.
ReplyDeleteyou have put yor self in chocolates soes.
That is a very interisting story
ReplyDeleteWow Harvey your 100wc is amazing I like where you used a giant shadow loomed over me!Keep up the AMAZING work.
ReplyDeleteFrom Lillie!
Wow, Harvey. We really thought you were a piece of chocolate!!
ReplyDeleteps- the class really like the clock on your class blog.
Dear Harvey,
ReplyDeleteI really like your entry, to the 100 WC. I like how you have used Neil Armstrong's speech, but changed it in to chocolate. I also like how you put 'Hello, my name is Bob.' Maybe next time, you could use some adverbs. Visit us atwww.6d2012.highlawnprimary.net
From Julia
Well done,
ReplyDeleteI like how you have used a onnamaterpia. Also I like how you have used ellipses. Next time you could add some adverbs.
From Annalese
at
www.6d2012.highlawnprimary.net
Dear Harvey, you have used lots of onomatapea. You also used description. Maybe nexttime you could use some metaphors.
ReplyDeletedear Harvey,
ReplyDeleteI liked your story exspesily the way you were the chocolate it made the story sound realy good.I licked the ending one small step for chocolate.
from Dana